I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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