This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
