what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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