So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
This house was built for laser tag.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
