No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
