Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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