She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
