maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
