I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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