i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
