Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
