We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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