Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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