When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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