i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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