No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
