Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
