youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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