what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
