At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
