I think my fart just growled at me.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
