A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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