I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
