he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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