Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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