Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
