Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
