She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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