i wish my penis had a tongue
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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