I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
