Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
