I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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