If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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