You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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