It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
