there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
