I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just want nice things and good sex
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
