You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
two words: eviction party
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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