watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
