Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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