Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
