Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
