I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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