I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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