Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
