You don't have asthma, your pregnant
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Farmville is her only friend.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
