Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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