i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
