They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
