Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
