Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
