he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
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