Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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