OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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