This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
