this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
