I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize