I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My boob is missing a layer of skin
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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