Do you still have your period?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize