well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
