i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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