I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
