No stitches, just platelets and will power
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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