You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Randomize
