i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
