do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
