I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
