no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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