I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
